I wanna bring you to show and tell
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
