Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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