I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
