Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
