He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
