i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
