What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Enjoy the penises
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
