His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
