I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
