haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
