I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
