I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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