And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
