soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
