please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
