she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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