I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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