dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
