did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
