butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
