i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
