i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
