why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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