my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
