I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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