Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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