I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
