I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
