boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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