i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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