My hand turned me down
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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