drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
