Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
