She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
