dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
