I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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