I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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