so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
