can u get pink eye on your cock?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
