Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His nipple licking is glorious
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