"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
