The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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