My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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