Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
