Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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