found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
