So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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