Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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