Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
