I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
