I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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