There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize