is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
home. puking in laundry basket.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
