***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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