Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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