I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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