your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
