Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
