Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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