It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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