Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Randomize
