She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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