U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
