I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
