oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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