I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
