Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
