Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
