At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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