he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
