i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
